Coping

 "Have you tried...?"

Probably, honestly 

I've had this disease

For as long as memory allows

Claws hooked around my throat and chest

Taking my mind to the darkest corners

What is it like to not fight your own mind?

Taking walks and listening to the singing of birds

Leaves crunching beneath boots tied tightly

Breathing carefully, aware and grateful

Knowing how precious every breath truly is

Painting for pleasure and release

Creating art that feels a part of me

Capturing moments in time

Somehow they're all the same blues

I breathe I stretch I read I take breaks I spend time outside I spend time with community I connect to friends and family I eat well I work out I meditate I write I garden I care for others I bake I organize I downsize

I've done it all and yet my mind?

My mind still has those claws

Buried so deep, they will never leave

Lying with my back against the dirt and my eyes

Gazing up at the stars, feeling the weight shift 

Watching the eastern sky turn from blue to yellow 

Sun rising behind overlapping leafless branches

I do what I need to be alive in this body

To survive my own mind