You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful/ You'll be happy

I wrote this about a year and a half ago, long before I graduated college or got out of the really bad living situation I had before my current roommate. Long before I learned just how people should treat me and what true friends are. It's been a long road to where I am today, and only when I go back and read some of my diary entries and stories do I remember just how difficult it was. Sometimes, though, I'll find things like what's written below and realize, with complete awe, that even through the absolute hardest times, I always manage to have hope.

- I love the way streetlights and taillights reflect on rain soaked roads. I love the way smoke rises from blown out candles and the ends of cigarettes. I love the way the wind sounds through ice covered trees (that rattling, brittle noise that sounds as if every branch is breaking). I love the way sirens sound in the distance (though it can never be good news). I love the way it feels to turn my face to the burning summer sun. I love the way the sun feels against bare skin. I love the way snow blankets and silences and covers all the ugliness and leaves the world clean and white. I love the way footsteps sound on snow. I love footprints in sand and snow and mud. I love the smell of freshly cut grass, of cold, of wood fires. I love waking up and seeing the inside of a tent lit up and glowing from the rising sun. I love the way candle light casts eerie shadows over skin (and the way it makes it seem as if you’re glowing). I love the heat generated from a hot bath that fills the bathroom with steam and heat. I love the way branches creak from high winds, as if they’re speaking to me in another language (and I love the way I can be equally frightened and comforted by that sound). I love the way it takes so little to make me laugh (and I love that happy sound of true laughter). I love the way rainstorms make the bark of trees so dark and the leaves so green. I love the deep feeling that thunder gives you (and I love the crackle of it, the laughter of deep voices). I love the smells of cooking (they take you back to the comfort of home). I love the way a kitchen can hold the smells of a good meal. I love the memories etched in furniture, in music, in sights. I love the unconditional affection and love that dogs give. I love the drowsy feeling you get when you wake up from a good nap. I love the way a good book or movie can give you a deep seated contentedness. I love the way candles glow from the inside, though the flame resides only on a tiny wick of twisted string. I love the companionship you get when you’re with a group of your closest friends (all of you laughing and enjoying each other’s company). I love the comforting exhaustion you get after a very long, very tiring, but very satisfying and accomplished day. I love the bone deep exhaustion after a long, hard game of soccer. I love sitting in front of fireplaces when all the lights are off and the only light is from the glowing of the coals (when the fire has gone out, but the heat is still there.) I love the way it feels to be wrapped in the warmth of someone’s arms. I love waking up wrapped in a cocoon of warm blankets. I love the way a smile can make my day. I love the way a laugh or a voice sounds when you put your ear to someone’s chest as they speak. I love deep voices hushed in a whisper. I love the complete feeling you get when your fingers are intertwined with someone else’s (as if that’s the only thing holding the world together). I love the way there is always optimism and hope and love in the world (against all odds).